i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
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you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
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I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
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