well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
