I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
