Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
