in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
