Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
