I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize