I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
