um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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