The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
