He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
