Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
how does that bad decision feel?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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