Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
