i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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