oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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