he thought i was a dude.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
