Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Randomize
