So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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