I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Let's get the cat blown out
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
