I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
