she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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