Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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