why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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