When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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