walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
someone owes me an orgasm
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
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judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
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This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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