i don't like sucking hair
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
