She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
