im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize