People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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