I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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