Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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