he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
