This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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