Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
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She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
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