"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
40s are totally the cure
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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