sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
