I want to make a zoo with you.
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
