I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize