So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
This is the high leading the old right now
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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