Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
