From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
