"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
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why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
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The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
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