He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
