I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
