just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
