when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
