I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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