hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
