I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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