yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
