If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
