I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
