Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
