I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
