...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
