I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
