I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
