she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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