I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
