dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Randomize
