its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
