Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize
