good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize