id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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