Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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