THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
