I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
