Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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